Nourished, Mind, Body and Soul

Can you imagine the feeling of a young child having played outside on a cold winter's day, fingers numb and toes tingling from building snow castles all day? Then, being called inside to a bowl of hearty warm soup and hot coco prepared by mom? Along with mom rubbing her young child's hands and feet to heat these digits with the temperature of her own? This child being nurtured on so many levels starting with the smile of that mother as she lovingly called her child in from the cold. Over the last month, there has been one recurring word during my stay in CA and it is the word Nourishment.

From the moment I got off the plane, I have been nourished in smiles and hugs and warm food and stories, and in stillness and in gifts too many to count because most of the gifts I have received have been planted straight into my heart

On day one of my arrival, I was whisked off to see Pavi, with guardian angel Audrey by my side driving us. Pavi is a graceful and beautiful friend. She is also an extremely gifted writer. In fact she is the author of Infinite Vision an incredible story worth reading! It is because of her loving nudge and encouragement that I am writing this blog.

When we arrived to Pavi's place there was certainly excitement in the air, as naturally would be when friends come together after some time. The three of us chattered a little in the kitchen, then sat down over lunch and shared stories. Amidst the fun stories we all shared came the inquiry on how I feel about the journey I am embarking on. I shared some feelings and thoughts as where my mind was at in its given moment and before leaving her presence, Pavi once again ever so lovingly encouraged me to write about these reflections then gifted me a book titled “ 344 Questions, the Creative Persons Do-It-Yourself Guide to Insight, Survival and Artistic Fulfillment.” I am taking Pavi's wish for me to write very seriously because as it happened, I shamefully somehow misplaced that book the very day I received it, and did not notice until I was re-packing my luggage yesterday the day I left for Bali. I frantically emailed Pavi and others to see if I had left it in their home or our friend's car. I was completely blown away by yet another massive kindness wave, because minutes before boarding my plane, I received a email from Amazon.com with a gift and note from Pavi! She had once again gifted me the book and sent it electronically via Kindle! This is just ONE of the many stories I have of the loving and generous kindness warriors I have been surrounded by during the last month!

Later that night, I then had the opportunity to meet up with friends over dinner. These included --Ashish (who hosts our one day meditation retreat's in Princeton in his home and had just flow in earlier in the week). Along with the beautiful spirits of- Bela, Audrey, Guri and Leah and of course, my dearest Birju. As we sat down at a round table in the corner of a diner in downtown Berkley, what emerged was really extraordinary for an 'ordinary' Monday evening. In a sort of ' wisdom circle' type fashion, we all organically shared stories around a spontaneous theme Ashish had picked up on, among the people present. He realized many of us there in various ways had at some point been on a Pilgrimage of their own or were embarking on a 'Walk About' of sorts. Audrey and Guri both had done a walking pilgrimage and Leah and I were both were at a cross road of our own inner journeys as well. Audrey and Guri shared thoughts on their walking pilgrimages and Bela too when she recalled a time when she was in South America and was set to take a bus to a remote village where she was volunteering at. Due to a misunderstanding she got dropped off miles from her original destination. In the dark and in pouring rain, she was in panic as there was not a house in sight and she was all alone. Later she was found by an elderly woman who lived close by and was taken in out of the rain. In the end it all worked out, and Bela was reminded how it is ultimately our nature to care for one another and this woman had shown a great amount of compassion and kindness towards her. I recall Birju stating that this is what happens, when you get folks like these in a room together. It's all about serving each others journeys. I had to pinch myself several times during the day, for feeling blessed to be in the presence of such amazing and inspiring individuals!

The following day, Audrey and I drove up to Kelseyville, where we sat our 10-day meditation course and where time stood still for those days. The day we got back though (Sunday, October 20th) we were yet again greeted back at the cottage with an abundance of smiles and hugs and warm home cooked food by Bela and friends pot luck style for another circle of sharing and 'welcome back' gathering. I was beaming from blissful joy as I again recounted how amazing it is to have the appreciation for what was the present moment. I was surrounded by so many amazing spirits and all whom had great wisdom to share. Even our friend's little baby girl Uma, crawled around on her belly to each and everyone in the circle one by one, and shared her joyous presence, that brought so many smiles and laughter to the room!

The following day, Monday, October 21^st, I had a beautiful lunch with Audrey and Guri, and we shared more reflections post 10-day meditation and Guri in turn shared stories of India as Audrey was heading out the very next day. In hearing more stories I immediately became ever more excited to meet everyone there, (and share stories!) and felt grateful again for Guri taking time out of her busy schedule to chat over lunch and chi tea.

Tuesday, October 22^nd Audrey left for India however, before she left, we sat and drank tea at the airport and(( recalled the ridiculousness)) of how blessed we feel. One day we are sitting a 10-day together and the next we are off to India to serve with our head, heart and hands. I myself had the rest of the week to dip into the community a little more and experience all the flavor it expressed.

Wednesday, October 23^rd the flavor of the day was that of humble smiles and stillness as Birju, his roommate Chris, Birju's friend Xiong (spelling?) and myself traveled down to Santa Clara for the weekly 'Awakin' meditation gathering. It is remarkable that this gathering has been in existence for the last 15 years. Each week, approximately 70 people come together to sit in stillness, share an hour of reflections and practice active listening followed by a meal in silence, and all cooked by Harshida auntie and Dinesh uncle, in their family home. This all offered in the name spirit of love and generosity. Each week for the last fifteen years! I remember a story of one of the gatherings-- or more accurately I believe a day or so before the gathering. Harshida auntie had a car full of groceries and somehow the car along with the groceries were stolen. Auntie's response to this was nothing but pure compassion. Her response to the incident was that the food was meant as gift and it so happened that the people who stole her car needed it more. A gift is a gift. I believe the car was eventually retrieved but as for the groceries, it escaped my mind.

Thursday, October 24^th was that of a serene quiet day with sprinklings of sweetness mixed in. Throughout the week, I had a lot of time to myself was able to explore the fun little town that Berkley is. On this particular day, after spending some playing with the neighbor’s cat, I was feeling inspired to do some random acts of kindness of my own, when I quickly whipped up a warm meal for Bela and delivered it to her office for lunch. Post lunch, I was advised to go to 'People's” cafe where I learned many student like to study and would find the atmosphere suitable for some writing. And off I went and let the creative flow run through me.

Friday, October 25^th, was the day I was able to go to Pancho and Sam's house in Oakland. Where these individuals stay is between two gangs but have with loving kindness started to break down the gates (literally even) of hatred and violence within their community. They have a community garden in their backyard and offer this food with such tremendous love to their neighbors and community. Pancho has been quoted saying "if you want to be a rebel, be kind" and is just a pure Light in this world. Every Friday they too have an Awakin meditation gathering in similar fashion to the one in Santa Clara, but the most distinctive difference I noted was in the age of the participants. The youngest, that night being around nine or ten years old. I later had a chance to speak with some other youth who have found their way out of troubled groups and violence, and now participate in the Friday gatherings. They told me how they recognize its value and have seen how being a part of the community has shifted them for the better. Day by day, I was just blown away by all of our community members, who are just spreading their love and compassion and cultivating that not only in themselves, but in the hearts of others as well.

Saturday October 26^th, was one filled with nature and loads of belly aching laughter! I had the chance to hit the 'Fire' trails in Berkeley with Bela and do some hiking. Granted we got off trail, but it made for some serious fun and amusement, as we literally crawled our way up to the top of a paved street and decided to walk our way back down into town. It was one of the sunniest hottest days of course and Bela and I felt beat after-wards. The view from our first resting spot was breathtaking and just made me appreciate life even more.

Sunday October 27^th, was Karma Kitchen day and cooked up some serious fun! Karma Kitchen happens monthly on the last Sunday of the month and I had the blessing of being around to volunteer for the day! That day there were around eleven volunteers who came together to serve people at a restaurant that operates in a gift economy model each month. At the end of one's meal, you receive a bill for the meal in the amount of $.0.00 dollars, as a gift from a guest who had come before you. You then also have the opportunity to pay for the next person.   It was such a great experience and I cannot wait to go back and do it all over again!

And then before I knew if I was off to Bali, from where I am now quick finishing this off.  And because this feels a bit rushed, I'm sorry for not editing this better.  I wanted all to read about my last week in Berkeley and know of all the amazing individuals there!  

This for now, hugs from Bali! More on Bali soon I hope!!!

Namaste <3

It Begins With the Breath

Oh what an inspiring delight would it be, to wake up every morning with the awareness of my breath.  To give attention to the first thought that comes to my mind once I wake.  Is it a gentle thought or shaded in grey?  Would I wake up on inhale or exhale?  Could I bring awareness if my breath is deep and long, or shallow and fast?   Have I already checked off my to do list, ran through the entire day, without even one toe haven touched the floor?
Sadly, most of my days would actually start off with the latter.  It was a really busy time for me right before leaving New York city.  There was so much to do and think of.   Throughout, I would try my best to use the tools I have learned a couple years ago, and keep whatever stillness in my heart that I could, in the face of the storms around me.  But nothing helps ground me better than sitting in stillness and silence for an extended period of time they way a 10-day Vipassana meditation course/retreat does. That is why when I decided to start my journey, it would have to begin with my breath.

I signed up for a 10-day meditation in Kelseyville, CA and initially was on the wait list for a while before I knew I would get the chance to sit, and to my surprise, one my dearest noble friends, Audrey, was also on the same wait list and would end up sitting the course with me. From day one, she picked me up from the airport, with warm home cooked food in hand, and has been just one of my guardian angles here in CA.  I introduce her now, because I am sure she will come up in subsequent entries as she recently left for India and will be receiving me there as well :)

Dhamma Manda Entrace Gate, Kelseyville, CA

I was looking forward to the sitting my second course this time around, yet a bit nervous as to what would surface, as one devotes to sitting in stillness for approximately 11 hours total during the day, and takes a vow of silence for the entire time.  Each course is experienced differently and every moment brings with it a new awareness, or one would hope anyway.  The technique itself is one that personally resonates with me, and will share a little on it with the wish for allowing openness to remain. I took my first course two years ago, with next to no knowledge about the technique itself, but the presence and internal changes of the people around me who had taken the course was undeniably pure and loving.  It was noticeable that these friends had found a way of meeting their everyday highs and lows with a clearer lens. Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is a means of transforming oneself internally by self-observation and self-purification. One begins to concentrate their mind by bringing awareness to the natural breath and "with a sharpened awareness... proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness."  It is non-sectarian, and is not affiliated with any organized religion.  The technique was rediscovered by Gautama the Buddha more than 2500 years ago and the teachings have been passed along through an unbroken chain of teachers since then, keeping the teachings pure and accurate.  The most recent teacher of this technique, is taught (via audiotapes and video discourses) by the now late S.N. Goenka. The technique is taught all over the world. 

The course is based on the foundation of the practice of sīla — moral conduct. Sīla provides a basis for the development of samādhi — concentration of mind; and purification of the mind is achieved through paññā — the wisdom of insight.
When I really think about the experience, it is so incredibly beautiful and humbling. To have the ability to practice deepening one's own inner transformation in a setting that is very intentional about giving you the best conditions for success is a great gift. In fact, everything is offered as gift.  It is all purely volunteer run and gifted in a pay- it- forward philosophy.  All for the benefit of anyone who wishes to attend.

My time at the retreat this time around of course was not without it's challenges, however, it helped me meet those challenges with a more balanced state of mind.   Right as those emotional storms rise up within, you have the tools at hand.  The practice is to use the tools you have.  Again, everyone experiences the course in their own unique way, and perhaps unknowingly, in the beginning I had placed expectations as to what 'amazing insights and wisdom' I would arrive at.  In the end, once the course was completed, the one reflection that left it's greatest imprint on me, was that one needs to be patient and compassionate with one's own journey in life.  As well as the of the journey's our friends, family members and even the people around us.  It really is an Art of Living and when rooted in love and compassion for yourself and others, guides you to a more peaceful way of being.

There were so many others, however, another insight gained, was one of interconnection well beyond ways of my previously intellectualized thoughts on the matter.  It is with great care given due consideration, to place the students who have previously attended a course or courses in the front rows. Furthermore, in similar manner, the new/newer students in the following rows to the back.  I have sat my first course in the very last row and this past course now in the first row.  In the course you are guided to develop in 'Parami's' or in virtues, that helps aid dissolve egoism.  One of the 'Parami's' is one of' 'strong determination' (adhitthana), and asks one to commit to this through staying still throughout one's meditation and as well as dedicating oneself to following all the precepts introduced prior to beginning of the course.  This feeling of interconnection comes to the forefront more strongly now after completion of the course because of a particular student who came up to Audrey and I the day we were allowed to brake silence.  This student shared her feelings on how when in her weaker moments when she felt the urge to get up and leave, she would see Audrey and I on each side of the row up front, and in her words sitting still as pillars", thus giving her strength to carry on with her own determination and allow her the permission to try again.  The space in which one is practicing is very much geared towards "inner work,"  however, after hearing this young woman share her thoughts, I felt evermore responsible for every thought and action that is planted.  Fortunately, Audrey's and my own self determination helped this woman, but imagine if it were not the case?  I see this often with the impressionable minds of children and how they soak in everything around them and the behaviors of others.  Our friends in our community always refer back to Gandhiji's words of "be the change you wish to see in the world." and what this woman shared was a friendly reminder for me to live by that.  Because you never know who is watching you.

Signing off for now.  But in the mean time, don't forget to breathe ;)

Humble Beginnings, an Invitation

“What you are, is what you have been, what you will be, is what you do now.”

-Lord Buddha

I've always wondered why we do the things we feel called to do.  What is the underlying current that moves us along the stream, and guides us to follow it's mystical power?  Are we able to tune in so that we hear it's calling?  Do we dare follow it's flow or test our strength and swim upstream?   Or do we find a solid safe rock to rest ourselves upon for a while?  Where ever we are at, it is perfectly OK.  It is where we are meant to be, at that given moment.  I hope to bring myself to the awareness of this as often as possible.  As for the 'Why?' I guess it is best answered through the process of one's own journey.  I hope we never stop peeling away at the questions to find our deeper answers and intentions.  For myself, I know there is only one small layer of the 'Why?' that I have uncovered at this time, as a different chapter of my own journey begins.  And simply stated, I see it for no other grand reason than, it sincerely to the depths of my soul feels right.  I hope to open myself up to all that lays ahead.  With an open heart and mind, I hope to deepen in my compassion for myself and others, to cultivate in love and generosity, and to learn what it means to being open to receiving everyday in what ever light is presents itself, allowing for more love and creativity to flow though each moment.  To not get attached to outcomes, to fully embrace the moment as it is.  To meet my fears with grace, and accept my feelings of vulnerability, and to walk into the unknown smilingly.  What ever the shades in the days ahead, I bow my head down and humbly accept its invitation. For I feel it gently nudging me to discover more of my 'inner being'.

I have dedicated a few months for some time to reflect internally, connect with friends old and friends yet to be, to love in the moment and to trust in that universal love that flows through us all.  I started this particular chapter by leaving my home and career path of the last seven/eight years in New York city.  Renounced as much as my heart could part with, and embarked towards my first destination: Northern California for a 10 day silent meditation retreat.  Although there is some structure to the journey, I hope to keep as much open as I can. For one never knows how one will meet the day anyway.  The following destinations will be Bali, for a yoga teacher training course, and India, for some volunteer experience. From there on, only time will tell.

All of this of course is not possible without the love and care of family and friends of past, present and future. To whom I am deeply grateful, for all the kindness and generosity that has been gifted to me, and for all that I will receive. It has built and continues strengthen my trust in the goodness of people and inspires me to build that in the hearts of others as well. 

Throughout this journey I hope to have the time to reflect and write as time permits, and share my experiences with you.

May we all flow in the direction of light and love.