It Begins With the Breath

Oh what an inspiring delight would it be, to wake up every morning with the awareness of my breath.  To give attention to the first thought that comes to my mind once I wake.  Is it a gentle thought or shaded in grey?  Would I wake up on inhale or exhale?  Could I bring awareness if my breath is deep and long, or shallow and fast?   Have I already checked off my to do list, ran through the entire day, without even one toe haven touched the floor?
Sadly, most of my days would actually start off with the latter.  It was a really busy time for me right before leaving New York city.  There was so much to do and think of.   Throughout, I would try my best to use the tools I have learned a couple years ago, and keep whatever stillness in my heart that I could, in the face of the storms around me.  But nothing helps ground me better than sitting in stillness and silence for an extended period of time they way a 10-day Vipassana meditation course/retreat does. That is why when I decided to start my journey, it would have to begin with my breath.

I signed up for a 10-day meditation in Kelseyville, CA and initially was on the wait list for a while before I knew I would get the chance to sit, and to my surprise, one my dearest noble friends, Audrey, was also on the same wait list and would end up sitting the course with me. From day one, she picked me up from the airport, with warm home cooked food in hand, and has been just one of my guardian angles here in CA.  I introduce her now, because I am sure she will come up in subsequent entries as she recently left for India and will be receiving me there as well :)

Dhamma Manda Entrace Gate, Kelseyville, CA

I was looking forward to the sitting my second course this time around, yet a bit nervous as to what would surface, as one devotes to sitting in stillness for approximately 11 hours total during the day, and takes a vow of silence for the entire time.  Each course is experienced differently and every moment brings with it a new awareness, or one would hope anyway.  The technique itself is one that personally resonates with me, and will share a little on it with the wish for allowing openness to remain. I took my first course two years ago, with next to no knowledge about the technique itself, but the presence and internal changes of the people around me who had taken the course was undeniably pure and loving.  It was noticeable that these friends had found a way of meeting their everyday highs and lows with a clearer lens. Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is a means of transforming oneself internally by self-observation and self-purification. One begins to concentrate their mind by bringing awareness to the natural breath and "with a sharpened awareness... proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness."  It is non-sectarian, and is not affiliated with any organized religion.  The technique was rediscovered by Gautama the Buddha more than 2500 years ago and the teachings have been passed along through an unbroken chain of teachers since then, keeping the teachings pure and accurate.  The most recent teacher of this technique, is taught (via audiotapes and video discourses) by the now late S.N. Goenka. The technique is taught all over the world. 

The course is based on the foundation of the practice of sīla — moral conduct. Sīla provides a basis for the development of samādhi — concentration of mind; and purification of the mind is achieved through paññā — the wisdom of insight.
When I really think about the experience, it is so incredibly beautiful and humbling. To have the ability to practice deepening one's own inner transformation in a setting that is very intentional about giving you the best conditions for success is a great gift. In fact, everything is offered as gift.  It is all purely volunteer run and gifted in a pay- it- forward philosophy.  All for the benefit of anyone who wishes to attend.

My time at the retreat this time around of course was not without it's challenges, however, it helped me meet those challenges with a more balanced state of mind.   Right as those emotional storms rise up within, you have the tools at hand.  The practice is to use the tools you have.  Again, everyone experiences the course in their own unique way, and perhaps unknowingly, in the beginning I had placed expectations as to what 'amazing insights and wisdom' I would arrive at.  In the end, once the course was completed, the one reflection that left it's greatest imprint on me, was that one needs to be patient and compassionate with one's own journey in life.  As well as the of the journey's our friends, family members and even the people around us.  It really is an Art of Living and when rooted in love and compassion for yourself and others, guides you to a more peaceful way of being.

There were so many others, however, another insight gained, was one of interconnection well beyond ways of my previously intellectualized thoughts on the matter.  It is with great care given due consideration, to place the students who have previously attended a course or courses in the front rows. Furthermore, in similar manner, the new/newer students in the following rows to the back.  I have sat my first course in the very last row and this past course now in the first row.  In the course you are guided to develop in 'Parami's' or in virtues, that helps aid dissolve egoism.  One of the 'Parami's' is one of' 'strong determination' (adhitthana), and asks one to commit to this through staying still throughout one's meditation and as well as dedicating oneself to following all the precepts introduced prior to beginning of the course.  This feeling of interconnection comes to the forefront more strongly now after completion of the course because of a particular student who came up to Audrey and I the day we were allowed to brake silence.  This student shared her feelings on how when in her weaker moments when she felt the urge to get up and leave, she would see Audrey and I on each side of the row up front, and in her words sitting still as pillars", thus giving her strength to carry on with her own determination and allow her the permission to try again.  The space in which one is practicing is very much geared towards "inner work,"  however, after hearing this young woman share her thoughts, I felt evermore responsible for every thought and action that is planted.  Fortunately, Audrey's and my own self determination helped this woman, but imagine if it were not the case?  I see this often with the impressionable minds of children and how they soak in everything around them and the behaviors of others.  Our friends in our community always refer back to Gandhiji's words of "be the change you wish to see in the world." and what this woman shared was a friendly reminder for me to live by that.  Because you never know who is watching you.

Signing off for now.  But in the mean time, don't forget to breathe ;)